Online dating sites: why don’t women respond?

Ksenia L.
3 min readDec 29, 2020

Wondering why women don’t respond on an online dating site (as much as you want them to)?

Photo by Andrew Neel from Pexels

This must be the most popular question every man asks himself while dating online. After collecting and analyzing tons of information from various sources (such as women’s forums, dating forums, Quora, articles written by online dating experts and online dating blogs) I feel ready to highlight the main reasons of why some letters will remain unanswered forever.

First of all you need to understand the sad truth: most of the women don’t start communication with men they are not interested in. And that is the general rule, but several scenarios may take place.

  1. Ladies will not respond to you if they feel afraid for any reason, even unconsciously. So the question is, could it be that you are unintentionally sending signs to women that you’re unsafe? This could be the reason why they ignore your message or ghost you in a conversation.
  2. Women receive something like 100 messages per day, so even replying all of them would take a lot of time. Most of the messages are unoriginal “Hi!/What’s up!/Hey/etc.” or clear copy/paste of people whom didn’t bother to check their profile… so why bother to reply them?
  3. When dating online, people are given a few choice pictures of you and that alone they will judge you before they even decide if they want to respond to your message. You could be the most awesome guy in the world, but women judge with their eyes first. Could it be that you chose not the very best photo of yourself as a thumbnail picture of your profile?
  4. Ladies don’t answer to your messages if they had faced confrontation problems in the past. It could happened that a woman responded “Sorry, but I’m not interested” to a man, and received many unpleasant words back saying she is ugly/prudish/stupid/etc. So, if anything like this happens to a person, she’s not going to want to be in such a position again.
  5. Some of the ladies abhor poor grammar and misspellings. They will not date someone who cannot put a grammatically correct sentence together. And, they will not respond to your message if it’s fraught with errors.
  6. Some women may stop answering to your messages after coming to an understanding that you are not their perfect match. It may not be your personality or looks; she may simply be looking for something different.
  7. Women don’t usually respond to some men whose only remark is attempting to pay them a compliment on their body i.e. that they are sexy or something of the sort. When a woman spent actual time and effort in putting together a profile, outlining her interests, preferences, what she is looking for, what she appreciate about a potential partner, etc.

Here are some quick tips for increasing your chances to get a reply from every lady to send a message to:

  • Write more than one word in your initial message. Send personalized messages only and forget about copy+pasting.
  • Remark on something in the profile of the lady you find fascinating. This suggests that you go a lot further than simply staring at her pictures, because she may not find objectionable.
  • Make sure you are using correct grammar and spelling (there are tools for this, use them!). Many women find this a huge turn off.
  • Don’t take the lack of response as a personal affront. Some time is required for online dating: persistence and perhaps a few false starts before you get it right.

Good luck in your search!